laffinkid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- choking. on. my. every. heartbeat. choking up in school is less than convenient. -- yesterday i cried so hard, my body heaved and i thought i might throw up. except that i hadn't really eaten. and thus had nothing to project. every bone shook violently, and completely beyond my own, barely coherent control. and now i have to sit and watch emily and travis cuddle and hug. and kiss. and snoodle. fuck. but there will be strawberry dacquri's invovled. so, that's good i guess. -- do you know how beyond sickeningly horrific it feels when the only person who can make you stop crying, is the one who's made you cry in the first place. god. i just want to feel him. so.
badly. . and it seems i've taken up smoking. just another development in this twisted story. i read stupid cosmo today. but it was an article and body language toward each other in relationships. and all of the things we do together, how we hold hands and kiss and cuddle, are like secretly decoded as a deep attraction and longing and trust for the other person. one of them, i think it was the way that we kiss, like when one person cradles of cups the other persons face, it's like an underlying way of saying "i want to take care of you". and then i choked up again. i'm going to have to pick up the pen and paper soon, and write write write away. 1:44 a.m. - 2004-08-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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