laffinkid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i'm in mens wear. and it's just beautiful. i'm alone in my house, with KXCI. and emily. (the dog). my heart hurts. i'm wearing the blue button up shirt he was wearing the night of the amazing dinner. the night of the amazing swimming and laughing. and water wrestling and floating on our backs. the night of the amazing love. i'm wearing that shirt. and i sleep with it now. i had it sprayed with his cologne and it was intoxicating to my senses to smell him every time i held the shirt near. but now it's just a mixture of my scent with his. an almost perfect scent, if you ask me. but not more perfect than the scent of fish and i mixed together. that one is unique to a different love. tonight i just might sleep with it on. probably. i love.. i sent letters today. i need to hear his voice badly. but even to read his words would make me ecstatic at this point. it's not just a boyfriend girlfriend anymore. it feels like, some kind of unspoken union, and the fact that i'm still around and plan to stay around entitles me to some type of extended family label, maybe. perhaps something like a daughter-in-law, but not quite that yet. but something close. zach was sick today. noah's little brother. and i just wanted to take care of him and cook something when i went to visit. and then i just thought to myself, he is not my responsibility. nevertheless, i found those maternal instincts trying to get the best of my rationality. This is my tremendously ironic horoscope for yesterday: "You're not ordinarily prone to bouts of melancholy, but you may feel a bit blue now. Your options are to give into it completely and get it over with, or ignore it and move on. Choose the quicker of the two." but i put alot of silly girly sure-to-get-your-ass-kicked-if-the-guys-see-them stickers all over all of the envelopes. I know he'll think it's funny. and that's why we love each other. 1:01 a.m. - 2004-08-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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