laffinkid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- because they look at me in a whirlwind of sneakers and greasy and paint chipping and wood walkways i die and am reborn every single weekend. i die from a heartbreak that cannot be healed. i die from a longing that i don't even long for. i die from the alice in wonderland man and the boy who sings in the band. and i am reborn from the mothering creature that is social acceptance and a place to belong. i am reborn into a bowl of blt pasta and chocolate milkshakes. I am reborn into the home that I sat in and drew on a place mat hoping that the jewish boy would waltz in all dirty and aloof. when the burning and the reality unites, I am a glowing bird shimmering with strength, floating atop a cloud of high pitched humility. Or at least that's what I pretend, in the mirrors all around. But i think others see it too. there is a goddess who i work with. i have a crush on her the way catholic girls have a crush on Jesus (he is a handsome guy). the way little boys want to marry their mothers, before they know any better. she is mother earth in human form, and every time i look at her i believe that she is human less and less. In any case, I can only hope to grow to that. So I watch. taking notes. Floating around. 10:40 p.m. - 2005-12-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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