laffinkid's Diaryland Diary

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unbreak broken

Curled up on this humming floor, bus stop beeps speak to me in morse code from the street. I think the man with magic hands, who sings with strings, will become an integral fraction of my weekend nights. I looked foreward to hearing him all day Friday..and he didn't disappoint. Tegan and Sara are in my head, a song of there's seems to say what my own words cannot portray.
--

"Where do you go with your broken heart in tow?
What do you do with the left over you?
And how do you know, when to let go?
Where does the good go, where does the good go?

Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive,
Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go,
Look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love,
Look me in the heart and unbreak broken, it won't happen.

It's love that breaks the seal of always thinking you would be,
Real, happy and healthy, strong and calm, where does the good go?
Where does the good go?

Where do you go when you're in love and the world knows?
How do you live so happily while I am sad and broken down?
What do you say it's up for grabs now that you're on your way down?
Where does the good go, where does the good go? "
--

I just don't feel it. Is it the miles? Is it the time spans? Is it the money? It's really hard to specify what it is that makes me cold inside. I type words that are familiar, like "I love you". But I feel nothing indicating that they're true. What does this mean? Somewhere within me I like to think that it's survival..lamenting is suffocating..so I moved on to breath.

But exactly how far on have I moved? And will I ever be able to find my way back to that place where happiness lived in my heart? I don't understand how this happens.

I calculate. Investigate. I am not rash. I do not make moves without considering consequences. [Epiphany].

It is exactly like chess with that star lover/liar. The more I think, the worse I lose.

Perhaps my calculating is what leads to these horrifying miscalculations.

7:08 p.m. - 2006-08-06

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