laffinkid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- cunt WHY WON'T HE FUCKING CALL ME BACK????!!!! I am so worried that he is freaked out and that that's why he refuses to answer his phone or return my calls when all I want to do is talk about it so that night can stop hanging over my head like this grey cloud, uncertain and dangling the scenarios that keep playing out in my head. But no one can predict what will really become of grey clouds. Rain? Lightning? Or just a wafting wisping fleeting shadow, that wisks away after only a moment to reveal the beaming sunlight again. I don't want to be his girlfriend. I don't want to be his lover. I don't want gifts or romance. I don't want to be treated special or differently. I just want what we had before, and the secret we now share to be kept in complete darkness. I don't have any other way of reaching him, besides showing up at his door step...but that's too desperate, and honestly too creepy. So where do I go from here? I'm not sure what direction to step in, so I am just standing still. Noah is going to call me in a few days and every word that comes out of my mouth is going to have that grey cloud above it, unless this other man can wisk it away with a phone call. At dawn I slipped away, whispering a goodbye before slinking out onto hard sidewalks. He roused to only slight consciousness, responding with a groggy "call me later today". And I have called once every day since those words. Still..nothing. I hate me. And I hate this. 1:48 a.m. - 2006-09-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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