laffinkid's Diaryland Diary

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into the rain

More people in San Diego care about my birthday than anyone in Tucson ever did. Except you, and familia. People I don't even know that well are giving me well wishes.

It feels good.

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Yesterday it was so cloudy and morose, that sad music just couldn't help but be the only kind of music my ears would hear. Then later in the night I was riding in the backseat of a car, looking out the window distorted by body heat fog and communities of water dancing on the surface. I felt alone, though I was with a group of people. Alone because even though I love them, all of them, they will never be what you are to me and silence in rain is the most beautiful thing. A void where a lover should be. But the night before, I took out my lip ring to be more classy at that formal event, and the hole closed. So I re-pierced it, after much whincing and flinching, I finally meditated into the pain.

And that's what I did yesterday feeling alone. Meditated into the pain..and into the rain..and made myself feel ok about them not being you. or him. And today feels better. Today feels....20.

11:43 a.m. - 2006-11-12

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