laffinkid's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- everybody grew up..and turned into assholes I have been wondering about you and where the ringing in my phone went. Apparently it went like this..."beep beep beep". Do you have a phone number where I can call you? Or perhaps a time to meet on this crazy thing? I don't even want the telephone wires..to be honest. I just want your face and your hands and your hair touching my face and my hands and my hair. I want to laugh and cry and die in one breath in your arms, without words. I don't even have anything to say anymore. Same stories but the names and faces have been changed for my own insanity. But they're all true. I can't help but feel that there's something else..other than this tie down. For me. I cannot justify anything that I do, and I'm not even going to try. But in an effort to align my actions to my feelings, it's important to note that this...what we are doing...every day...right now.. This is not a marriage. We are not married. And I am putting everything aside, again, not even to be happy with him...but just..to be. I'm not even going back to try to gain happiness, I'm going back to try not to lose everything before anything was ever even had. I'd like to at least give this marriage a chance to live, before I let it die. And in that same breath, I am not doing all that I can to keep it pure. But I realized that there was a turning moment this summer where I stopped everything and said "I'm Done." What I didn't realize at the time was that I really meant it, because since that moment I have made little to no effort to positively contribute to our relationship. That...and I started seeing other people. Where I want to be this time next year: -In School. the end. 11:36 p.m. - 2007-01-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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